In Memory of Todd

On July 19th we heard for the 3rd time that month that a beautiful young man in Utah had taken his life. A young man who simply couldn’t get past the judgment, bigotry, hate and intolerance that he has dealt with in his 28 years of life. He left a note before he left for the waterfall.

“Sunrise - Accept This Offering – Sunrise

When will faith wake up to love instead of hate?”

He had been surrounded by hate and ugliness for so long… he made the choice to die surrounded by peace and beauty. This was not an impulsive decision, you have to hike a mile to get there. He passed this tree on the way there, this picture was taken the day before.

Sadly this happens often enough that I can’t make a blog post for every person in Utah who commits suicide because of the intolerance they faced. Usually it is someone that is a teenager/early 20’s. Some haven’t come out yet, some have and gotten a bad reaction, some have been out a few years and just never did get to a point where they full accepted and embraced who they were. More often than not it is completely swept under the rug and if you hear they committed suicide you never hear why.

However, Todd was different because he DID live his life the way he wanted to. Despite a very difficult time growing up, which is typical. He eventually did get married, which his best friend & maid of honor still says was the “single happiest day of his life.” They were in each other’s life for 8 years. Todd even remaining a part of his family even when they were no longer a couple.

Yet, even with Todd living his life, even someone who has embraced themselves and been married…couldn’t handle the hate anymore. That is what makes Todd different. He was one of the “leaders” I guess you could say.

Todd was a volunteer, advocate, brother, son, husband, uncle and biomedical engineer. He accomplished so much in the 28 years he was here, both GLBT related and not. He also loved music, he sang, played the guitar and wrote. He also loved to photograph, especially the outdoors.

The spot where Todd chose to spent his last hours, is a favorite in our family as well. My brother happened to be up there only hours before Todd. I can understand Todd's choice, it is gorgeous. At sunset or sunrise it is even more so. It is spot many have contemplated doing exactly what Todd did.

Battle Creek Falls

Within hours of confirming the location of Todd's death, a memorial was put up there. There will be a more permanent one put up eventually.

There was a candlelight vigil for Todd in Salt Lake. St. George as well as all those at home who couldn’t go to either. We got all of our “gear” together and headed out.

We haven’t done much in the GLBT community because it’s been during the day, in the summer and it’s just too hot. This was at 9pm and we were not going to miss it. The Capitol is a gorgeous building and I just had a feeling that there would be a gorgeous sunset. I was right.

There was already about 50 people there when we arrived 30 minutes early to get pictures.

The crowd grew very quickly after we arrived.

There was less than 24 hours notice (this was 36 hours after Todd’s death) and yet hundreds showed up.

The diversity of the people there was incredible, including Todd’s sister, best friend, just about every guy he’s ever dated and every girl who was crushed to find out he was gay.

There were still quite a few people left when we had to go…but it was getting late and we needed to head home.

I personally chose not to go to any funeral services. I was concerned about Todd not being portrayed for the person he truly was. After seeing his heartbroken best friend/ex husband at the vigil. Then seeing that he did not even get the most basic respect in the obituary of “Todd married ____ and they later divorced but remained very close friends.” I was very upset by that.

Also seeing that there was no mention of his accomplishments or activism in the GLBT community. All of which were very important to him. That personally bothered ME and I chose not to go. I felt like my opinion was far too strong and I was far too defensive. It was best that I not go.

I decided instead to just simply continue doing what I can…for the people that are still here. As well as what I can, for a few that are not still here...but who do not have a loving family that wishes they were.